What I see will never end...

How does a concept begin?

In the mind, it starts with a basic, biological urge, represented by images and sounds. At least, that is how it is with me. And the longer they are held on to, the more they incorporate, until you find yourself with lines of thought that are as long as your memory. It's one string of consciousness, intertwined with everything around you. It is a poison that labors so slowly that it almost seems like reality itself.

But the mind is not reality in any sense. We are our own strain of reality, and we modify and twist the world until we find our gold; that is the Human condition.

I have recurring themes in my life: abandonment, disdain, disappointment and isolation. While they all sound like the same thing, they are very different concepts. The abandoned feeling that comes with loneliness, to me, is more of an affirmation of myself than it is a yearning sorrow. I do not feel any sadness in that vein, and my sense of self is strengthened by it. Disdain is the only word I can find to accurately portray the way I see the Human race: The habitual lies, the ego-filling, the sense of empowerment in hedonism; the Great Lie of being alive in a self-centric world. Everything is about dominance and oppression, even the smallest behavioral ticks. I am disappointed in life for that reason, but not in the sense that I am disappointed with my own life; much the opposite, for I build and reinforce upon my own view and the conclusions that I come to. That disappointment has let me know what being moral truly means, and why we all should be made to carry our misdeeds and sins into our deathbed; not because I am a sadist, but for the precious feeling of overcoming the only real evil in this world: ourselves.

Isolation is the only motif that has stayed with me throughout my life. I have been optimistic, opportunistic, horribly depressed, valiantly triumphant... but all of this has been on my own, in solitary confinement. But through this disease I have picked apart my own psyche, and I have grown from 'just another person' to 'me'. Understanding ourselves is the only real way to find peace with life, unless you are content in chasing delusion and ruining the very gift of being alive in a breathing, biological universe.

Religion is the ultimate refusal of life, and untruth is a knife stabbed into the heart of existence. America thrives on both of these, though, and I am sickened by that. Countless people have died for things that were non-issues, things that were trumped up and things that were only invented for the sake of our own egos. And this is all because of the falsities of organized religion and hedonism.

We are animals, but only because that is how we came to be. Rational thought is the only way to ascend our flesh and to become the only real definition of "divine" that could exist here. Every progression, every innovation and every single good thing that has ever been has come into existence by purely rational thought. There is no other way.

This is what I believe. And in that light, I do not necessarily believe that the Human race deserves to exist any longer. We don't deserve anything, and if we are to save ourselves, it will only be through the grace of rationality.

The only irrational world that should exist is the one of artistic expression. In that, we bind both rational and irrational, emotional and intellectual, biological and divine. And as much as this empty, bankrupt country continues to desecrate rationality and art, as much as we indulge ourselves in pointlessness and short-term gains, as much as we cut apart the body of our existence, we will never be free of blasphemy against what is real.

American politics is the most vile thing I could imagine, not because of its virulence or its many fallacies, but for how low it sets the bar. We used to be a country that redefined what it meant to be Human; now, we simply let corrupt, stupid people make our decisions for us, because we believe that Man is, by nature, corrupt. We believe every single lie we are fed. Soon, it will be our grave.

I am a real American. I am not some bible-thumping, self-gratifying demagogue. I believe there are bigger problems beyond school violence and abortion. I am concerned for the Human race, and existence itself. Quite possibly, the very first real intelligence that has ever existed in our universe is doing such stupid, self-destructive things. We are all committing suicide every second we bow down to such stupidity.

But, in the end, the only thing that can save us is our emotional bond to reality, to rationality. Philosophers, composers, writers and poets have saved humanity countless times, and I believe will continue to do so, even if America becomes too stupid to support itself, and slowly sinks into an ocean of its own affronts against Nature and the Cosmos.