They call it night, and I call it mine...

I have been deciding on two things of late: The meaning of Life and the idea of Free Will; capitalized because they are that grand of a concept, and in effect, the Ground-Of-All-Being (another term for 'existence itself').

What is Free Will? If you use a reductionist theory, it means that it's an empty promise, because for there to be free will, there would have to be something mechanized that gives it to you. And once you reach that point in logic, the idea breaks down and doesn't really have veracity.

But what is Human Free Will? This is something I can define very easily. Just because we are all driven by our chemicals and our physical structure doesn't mean that we cannot change our paths. The phrase that best fits the solution is Carpe Diem; sieze the day, because it's only with an aggressive launch that you can achieve something that is your own.

But, it is not possessiveness. It's carving yourself forward, and not letting your chemicals drive you, because then, you are just rationalizing everything your ape-self does. Our higher minds are what make us Human, and Free Will comes from that change.

The meaning of Life is still something that I have no handle on. But Free Will is something that is intrinsic to my only sense of reality. When I act like a drone and only rationalize what I'm doing afterwards, I feel the emptiness of that path inside me. When I seize the world and make it mine to live in, I feel a fire in my belly and a much stronger pulse. It gives its own meaning, if not to life, then to any point in being alive. I believe that life is about representing your own artistic soul, and really nothing much else. Materialism doesn't do it for me, and neither does mindless courting. I have always seen how I am cast aside because of my ways of thinking, and how indifferent the world is most of the time, but you know what I do? I stay on the road I want to be on, and I don't change for outside forces. Even if it is socially reprehensible, it is individualistic in the purest sense, and it is the only thing I would want to live doing.

What spawns Free Will is not determination, though. Nor is it aggressiveness. The root of Free Will is education. You grow your mind (literally), the more often you stimulate it with new information. You increase the complexity of your thoughts (literally), the more you meld and play with them. These are not just cognitive effects. Our bodies and souls are run by our brains. The only way to move forward is to delve deep inside yourself, and to find a way to come out on the other side with something that is truly positive.

I've always held the suspicion that the world was out to get me. Sometimes, it feels like I'm proven right. But even now, I still look down on it, instead of wallowing beneath it.

I am larger than any of the shit that pulls at me from below. It just sucks that I have to be the only one that I have.

When no one gives a fuck about you,
You find that you are your own etude:
A wanton, lonely, broken rule;
In a symphony of solitude.

Nothing but a body; naked, beaten...

Like a membrane, strained and pulled and finally popped, a retroactive sense of responsibility lifts too far above psychosis to be anything but strict, self-restraint. Is this the banal, biological, survivalistic mechanism come to save itself from ruin? Or is it just another step forward?


How do we know ourselves? We are only the paper on which we project our own feelings, and nothing more. Real-time actions betray the philosopher in me. The taste of the sea betrays the romantic in me: The salty, morose sweetness of the grand Goliath of Nature; progression.

We have evolved for nothing but symbols and strings, tained by cognitive dissonance.